Four great books to help you lead a good enough life

How to lead a better life has been a topic of compelling interest for about as long as people have been able to write.  So there are libraries full of books on the topic. Where to start?  Anywhere is probably fine.  But this is where I would begin, if I had to do it all over again.

Since we are in the thick of the holiday season, I'll offer one last word of warning before I present the list.  Think twice before you buy any of these books as a gift for anyone.  There is always the chance that unwrapping one of these would be like opening a birthday card that says, "would you please get your shit together already?"  Buy these for yourself first.  Use them well.  And then recommend them wholeheartedly.

If you are looking for a gift, how about my favorite book: The Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien? Or my favorite tearjerker?  That is David Copperfield.  Or maybe Tale of Two Cities.   In either case, there is no doubt that there is something about Dickens.  And if you are looking for something a bit more lighthearted, try the book that made me laugh the hardest.  That is definitely (maybe) The Truth by Terry Pratchett.  But I digress.

Now, in reverse order of how valuable they have been in my life, and therefore maybe in yours, here is the list.

4.   Your Money or Your Life

Vicky Robin and Joe Dominguez popularized (if they didn't invent) the concept of financial independence in this book.  Financial independence is having enough capital to live on without recourse to paid work.  A noble goal and one that is very difficult to achieve, despite all the encouragement that Vicky and Joe serve up.

But even if you never achieve FI, or like me are trying to get there but haven't made it yet, reading YMOYL is still well worth the investment of time just for their discussion of "enough."  What is enough?

Enough for survival.  Enough comforts.  And even enough little "luxuries."  We have everything we need; there's nothing extra to weigh us down, distract, or distress us, nothing we've bought on time, have never used, and are struggling to pay off.  Enough is a fearless place. 

There is no universal prescription for enough.  Everyone has to figure it out for themselves.  Mr. Money Mustache set the enough bar at about $30,000 per year for his family of three.

I haven't found my personal threshold of enough, but it is definitely higher than MMM.  I am notoriously inept with plumbing and, as a general rule, if the phone is broke, nothing gets fixed in our house.  So I have to account for repair bills.  On the other hand, I live most of my life in shorts and t-shirts, with a white-shirt-and-jeans uniform for public occasions, which keeps my clothing bills down.  Eventually I'll get there.  Maybe.  Fingers crossed.

3.   Wherever You Go, There You Are

If you have never heard of Jon Kabat-Zinn, you haven’t been paying attention, which is reason enough to read Wherever You Go, There You Are.  Blame it on television, smart phones, social networking, or any of the other supposed ills of modern living, but it is hard to deny that awareness and mindfulness are in short supply.

The definition of mindfulness is deceptively simple.  Kabat-Zinn calls it paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally.  Easy to type, not so easy to practice.  If you have never taken a self-guided tour through your own body and mind, you are likely in for a big surprise.

One basic mindfulness exercise is to pay attention to your breath by counting each in-breath and each out-breath.  The first time I tried it, I made it to a count of two before my brain decided it would be much more interesting to start playing the soundtrack to Grease.  The music was followed by a few scenes from the movie (for some reason it’s always Rizzo singing There Are Worse Things I Could Do), then my awareness noticed the pain in my knee and the slouch in my back, at which point I thought “Wait! I’m supposed to be meditating, stop that.”  Who was I talking to?  Beats me.  Somewhere around that moment, I started counting again.  Maybe I made it to three the next try.  Maybe not.

I’d like to say that I have gotten better at meditation over the last several years, but it wouldn’t be strictly true.  My monkey mind still loves swinging from music to movies, to snippets of past conversations, to plans for the future, to drafts of blog posts, to various aches and pains in every limb and joint.  Happiness, sadness, joy, grief, anger, anxiety, worry, doubt, hope, fear, pain, pleasure, and occasionally even stillness and equanimity make regular appearances.  Wherever has been with me through the entire journey, reminding me that this is it.  Enjoy the ride. 

2.   Flow

Learning how to spell Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi is a flow experience in miniature.  At first, there is the challenge of assembling the letters of an unfamiliar name from a different culture.  This requires learning a new skill (spelling the name), establishes a clear goal (correctly type the name from memory), and provides instant feedback (check the attempt against the correct spelling).  For a short time, the task is completely engrossing and time seems to melt away.  But, like all flow activities, eventually the skill is mastered and the task becomes boring.  Time to find a new challenge.  Like pronouncing Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.

Flow (the book) would be a worthwhile read if all it did was describe flow (the state of mind), with a little explanation of the science and a few tips on how to achieve flow.  But this book is much more.  Part critique of the common conception of happiness, part guide for the aspiring autotelic personality, and part philosophical treatise, flow is always on (or near) the first page of my Kindle home screen.

The most challenging section of the book might be the last, the Making of Meaning.  Csikszentmihalyi argues that stringing together flow experiences is pleasurable, but not necessarily meaningful.  To give life meaning requires directing your choice of experiences to an overarching goal.   Philosophers have called this “the project.”  Psychologists refer to “propriate strivings” or “life themes.”  By whatever name, a life theme imparts meaning to the efforts of daily life.

Life themes are everywhere.  Lawyers may find meaning in working to reduce injustice.  Doctors may find it by reducing the suffering of their patients or finding a cure for cancer.  Teachers by freeing students from the bonds of ignorance.  But they aren’t always easy to find.  The examples in the book describe people who forged a life theme out of exceptional personal trials.  What about the rest of us who lead more average lives?  Wouldn’t it be nice is someone had provided a framework for looking at our lives and divining a sense of purpose from our experience?  Luckily, someone has.

1.   What Color is Your Parachute

I stumbled upon Parachute while I was living in Champaign, IL and trying to figure out how to get out of academic research.  The biggest problem was that I didn’t know what else to do.  Richard Nelson Bolles didn’t know either, but he does know a lot about helping you figure it out for yourself.  Ironically, the most crucial step is asking other people.

For those (probably few) who have never seen the inside of the book, the bulk of Parachute is dedicated to teaching you how to complete the Flower diagram, which has seven petals: geography, salary, working conditions, favorite kinds of people, transferable skills, favorite knowledge/field of interest, and your goal, purpose, or mission in life.  Bolles gives you lots of tools for filling out the petals, but they don’t add up to much on their own.

Informational interviewing is what brings it all together.  Basically, you head out into the world and ask anyone you can find to tell you about their work.  What do they do every day?  Why do they do it?  How did they get here? What do they love?  Hate?  Learn everything you can about their job.  And then “try it on for size” by comparing their work to the standard outlined in the petals of your flower.  Then do it again.  And again.  And again.  Many, many, many times.

The first time I used informational interviewing in a job hunt I did well over a hundred informational interviews over the course of three or four months of full time interviewing.  Based on that experience, I can tell you with some confidence that it works.  I began as an unemployed former astrophysicist and ended up as a freelance science communication consultant with several clients in a newly adopted city.

Honorable mention:  Who's Your City

Considering moving to a new city?  Do yourself a favor and read this book.  Richard Florida knows a thing or two about what makes a city livable.  More importantly, he acknowledges that not every city is a good fit for every person.  Cities have personalities, too.  And if you don’t click with a city, your relationship with the place is never going to take flight.

I wish I had read this book before I moved to Honolulu.  I don’t know if it would have changed the ultimate decision to move, but at least I would have had the sense to visit once before committing to move here.  Move to an island in the middle of the Pacific without visiting first?  Yep.  Did that.

And I probably wouldn’t have done it if I had read City first.  Florida wisely notes that you have to be in a city to know if you connect with the place, which leads to the reason City only ranks as an honorable mention: the advice is very difficult to put into practice.

Even if I had come to Honolulu on a reconnaissance mission, I would not have understood all of what I was seeing.  The tourist-eye view is not the same as the view of a jaded Honolulu resident.  One could fill books exploring why this is so, but for the moment, trust me.  The Honolulu you saw on your last vacation bears almost no resemblance to the Honolulu I live in.  I am pretty sure the same is true everywhere, or at least in popular tourist destinations.

Plus, even if you know you should preview your potential new home, who has the time and money to preview several places to make an informed comparison?  Finally, the freedom to choose a place to live from among many options has been a rarity in my life.  Almost every move I have made was driven by employment.

There you have it.  My list of books that might help you live a good enough life.  How does this match your list?  Any suggestions for books I should check out?